So I had this dream I couldn't see my hands or my feet but I knew that they should busy I didn't know where I was or where I was going but I was going to get there Who was I with were the decisions I was making mine frantic frantic frantic my mind was racing like i assumed by feet were unable to focus but determined to accomplish to make to do unfocused energy tunnel vision - but a blur what was my purpose what did I need to be doing what was I doing flashes of color clashing of sounds loosing control but holding it together I didn't know whether to cry or to scream - I was hurled into a screaming cry My eyes and mouth were open but I remained voiceless - muscles paralyzed I awoke - propped up - empty take-out wrappers by my side - familiar smell of cat urine - bathroom faucet drips - neighbor stomps upstairs I was in my apartment. I had fallen asleep while reading a book. I breath a sigh of relief. The clock reads 4:11 - the sun is fading. The phone rings. "He man. What cha doin tonight?...Hell yeah we should get fucked up. Be over in a bit."

2012

Hello 2012! Brand new year brand new things are happening!
Going back to Lubbock to visit -- I don't realize how much has changed until I ... realize it! Crazy how that works.

Talking to Nickolai -- I made the connection about some work - I was thinking about pursuing for a grad application I was filling out last year. I had a plan to combine a multitude of audio interviews about individuals lives from all walks of life into one narrative. In an attempt to create one universal existence -- being human and alive.

People are my main interest. And I have this fascination I guess - to gather stories - to analyze behaviors and try to link them back to events or traumas or positive reinforcements -- How does this person tick? How can knowing this person lead me to knowing about myself further.

Is that selfish to ask? I have pondered this very thing many times before but I always come back to -- we only know ourselves - we can empathize with others but only by wondering how we would feel in their shoes.

So - in knowing someone else -- we know more about ourselves.

more to come but i am tired now... goodnight